In a previous blog post I said that James 1:27 was my life verse and it is, but I think I (or God actually) have added another one to it. A few days ago I was venting to Jeff about all the things that were going wrong. Over the last 3 to 4 weeks Satan has been FULL on attacking our family so I was having a "poor me" moment. In this moment I was listing off all the things that weren't going right and complaining about how I was just ready to be done with these things. I was ready to consider them fixed or finished. Jeff breaks into my "poor me" fest with "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord." (Proverbs 21:30) I reply with something like "yeah, yeah I know", and honestly there was probably an eye roll in there somewhere. My eyeroll was about knowing he was right and him always seeming to have the right answer at the right time, not out of disrespect to him or God's word. Obviously rolling my eyes is something that I need to work on not doing. ;)
Anyways, I did know that NO plan can succeed against the Lord, I really did. But later that day it hit me. It was like a "duh moment" if you will. The full impact of that verse kept washing over me, almost in waves. In some sort of way this verse became my mantra...it has been stuck on repeat in my head since then. Every time I hit a road block big or small "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.", runs through my head. Shortly after my "poor me fest" I was working on Jeff's car again (that is a whole different blog post all together ;)...the bolt I was trying to get off was so STUCK! This bolt probably hadn't been removed since it was put on the car 16 years ago, so here I am, way in over my head feeling like I can't do it, but knowing I need to and there it is, "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord"...and I kid you not, as I'm trying with all my might the bolt loosens...I, with God's help, was able to get that bolt off. Probably sounds dumb to some of you that I think big ol' God cared about me getting this bolt off. But I just know He did. He cares about the big and small things! A few days after this we found out that our house wouldn't be bought by the couple who had been working towards buying it for the last 4 months. So here I am again with all sorts of thoughts going through my head, and feeling the panic set it. We do need to pay for the land in Kenya, we do need to have thousands of bricks made, we do need to be making progress in our move to Kenya, but can't until the house sells. But then God steps in, "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord."...He's right! God has this, He does. So why do I continue to stress about it?
Even Reed tried to help me get that bolt off!
I think I continue to pick up all these burdens and carry them with me because it is habit. As a child I wasn't raised in church, I didn't know there was a God that I could rely on. My childhood was a chaotic childhood...my parents, who are completely different people today, were then often involved in their own life which usually included drinking, drugs and my father being unmedicated but bipolar. Often I was left to figure out things on my own, play on my own, wonder what was happening in my life on my own. As I got older I learned that if I wanted anyone to watch out for me it had to be me. If I had a problem I needed to fix it. Old habits die hard. I try, I try to take it to God and drop it at His feet, but for me the reality is that often times I return to pick up. I'm a work in progress, always trying to make changes and be more like Jesus. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in [me] will bring it to completion. (Philippians 1:6)
So here we are about a week out from all of this and we have a car that works, we have a house that is listed for sale, we have great friends and amazing kids. And just like Jeff said to me "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD." The house will sell, the land in Kenya will be bought, an amazing home for us and many others will be built, STORIES WILL BE CHANGED, mine probably the most.